My skeleton in my cupboard

First and foremost, this post is not intended to draw sympathy or anything, it is just what i feel so here goes

I have a lil bit of depression since i forgot when. 

Well maybe i remember, i guess it started after my mom passed away. 

It really has not been easy for me to admit this, even typing it made me feel disgusted with myself

Things has not been easy to me since then

Imagine being so sad that u're on the verge of hurting yourself but then you end up crying alone and feeling so empty

That you end up able to make yourself used to the fact that you need to wipe your own tears 

It gets overwhelming sometimes,

Imagine having a rubber band around your wrist, 

and imagine that it has been there for so long that you feel numb to the pain,

then imagine having to pull it out,

and that's how i feel once in a while when all the emotions come to me all at once begging me to feel them,

Every other day,

I'm actually this bubbly girl that can make jokes almost about anything with my friends,

but if only people know what happens inside the room, 

It has not been easy going through it,

let alone trying to make others understand about it, 

hence, this post

Since it's new year, i really really hope i can handle it better this year. So if there's any advice, I would really appreciate it . And i would appreciate it some more if the advices are not cynical or judgemental. Thank you in advance :)