Giving birth-what it actually felt like

 Hi everyone. Today is my 15th day postpartum and it's getting better day by day. 

I actually wanted to write this as soon as possible so that I won't forget everything that happened since the start of this first pregnancy until the day I gave birth to my son. 

So, here goes..

I first found out I was pregnant the day before raya 2020. I was having a high fever for two days and extreme abdominal pain. My period was one week late that time so I just asked my husband to buy a pregnancy test kit though I thought that there is very low possibility that it would turn to two lines, or so I thought ...

But then to my surprise, it turns into two lines lol. So, I come out of the toilet smiling asking my husband to guess and he said I was being too obvious. He could've guessed that it was positive the moment I smiled. 

And so begin my pregnancy journey. It was all smooth until the second time I had to the OGTT test. For those wondering, OGTT test stands for Oral Glucose Tolerance Test in which  glucose is given and blood samples taken afterward to determine how quickly it is cleared from the blood. My fasting reading was higher than normal range so I was given 2 weeks for diet control and to come back again for checkup. Unforunately, I had to start insulin after the checkup because my glucose level was not controlled with just diet control. 

Other than the pain of injecting Insulatard once every night, my pregnancy was rather smooth. I had no weird cravings or 'alahan'. 

Hence, I do have time to take a good care of myself by going to the facials, waxing and shopping for cute maternity dresses. These are among my most favorite pregnancy ootds.  

This was taken at Pulau Perhentian during our first
honeymoon when I was 16 weeks pregnant.

Mommy at 24th weeks

Mommy at 29th weeks

Mommy at 33rd weeks

Mommy almost popping out at 37th weeks

Due to having GDM, I have to be admitted at 38 weeks to be induced because Dr is worried my baby is macrosomic. I was actually supposed to deliver at Hospital Sultanah Aminah, but due to the crazy increase in covid cases in JB, we decided to deliver our baby at KPJ Puteri JB. Luckily, Dr Noor Aini still accepted me even though I only went for checkup once the week before delivering our baby. We went to the hospital at 4am one day before I was supposed to be induced because I keep on feeling contraction pain and my tummy kept on hardening. 

That morning, Dr started to induce my delivery by inserting prostin at 8am.

Prostin/A synthetic version of the hormone prostaglandin is inserted into your vagina to soften your cervix and prepare your body for labour. It can be in the form of a gel, which may be given in several doses (usually every 6 to 8 hours), or a pessary and tape (similar to a tampon), which slowly releases the hormone over 12 to 24 hours. You will need to lie down and stay in hospital after the prostaglandin is inserted.

 After 4 hours, I started feeling contractions but then the opening was still at 1cm. This cycle was repeated for 3 days with 3 dose of prostins but the opening was only at 2-3cm. Then, on the third day since my opening didn't progress, the Dr tried to manually opening the way using fingers. And gosh after that, I really went through hell. The contractions was at every 4 minutes and the pain was indescribable that I requested a painkiller. But the most painful thing was knowing that the opening did not progress that much even after that level of pain. 

I was at the verge of giving up at that point. I called my mother in law,  crying and telling her that I cannot take this anymore. My MIL convinced me that I can do this, that I'm strong enough for this. Afterwards, I decided to give it a last shot. During the 4th day, Dr gave me a choice whether to continue with another dose of prostin or to opt for oxytocin. I straightaway chose Oxytocin as I wanted to deliver as soon as possible at that time. I told Dr that I was aware with the fact that if the opening did not progress after Oxytocin is started, I probably will have to deliver through caesarean method. 

The oxytocin was started at 8am on 17th January 2021. I still can laugh the first 3 hours and can still eat until 12pm when the pain started to intensify every few minutes. It felt as if my whole uterus was squeezed and my back felt as if I was sleeping on a knife. The opening progressed to 4cm at 12pm, then 6cm at 2pm then 10cm at 4pm. When the opening was at 10cm, the nurses taught me how to push. I was quite delirious at that moment due to the laughing gas, but I tried my best to follow. It was really hard, having to bear the pain and at the same time push the baby out. It felt as if you're pooping but with the pain of 1000/10. 

The Dr arrived when my baby's head already at the opening. I was told to push just a little bit more to get the baby out before he became suffocated. With the little energy I had in me, I pushed one last time while the nurses were pressing on my tummy too to help me and finally my baby was born. Gosh, I will never forget this feeling ever I think. I was so relieved to get the baby out finally after 4 days of constant pain. 

Saya lah Aisy Naail yang suka golek golek dalam perut mommy sampai taknak keluar tu :3

Our first family portrait 

I bawled my eyes out after my baby was out as I was told not to cry while pushing. I also cried because while the Dr was doing my episiotomy, I can feel the needle coming in and out of my flesh at the last few stitches. 

I finally gets why Mothers are placed so high up in Islam. Not that I didn't appreciate mothers before this, but now that I've gone through this, I understand it in a whole other level. 

The pain in giving birth doesn't really stop at giving birth itself. It still continues even afterwards. Even sleeping can cause so much pain because it would mean that I have to lie on the part being stitched. If sleeping can be that painful, imagine how it feels walking and having to force myself to go to the toilet. 

Now, I'm writing this on the 15th day of postpartum and I can finally almost return back to my old self and do my old routine. I can now slowly cook simple meals and do light chores. My tummy also has flattened for about 50% towards my normal tummy. I can also start to do light exercise now to flatten my tummy. 

So, Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for this beautiful gift, Aisy Naail bin Muhammad Aqil. If one day you're reading this, please know that you are so loved by me, your dad, your grandparents and your aunties & uncles. Do know that whatever happens, you are never alone in this world. Mommy and daddy is going to protect you with everything we have and pray religiously every day for Allah to protect you from any harm. 

Sama kan muka saya dengan mommy?

                                            My first tiktok with mommy <3