"Allah kan ada" , kenapa nak sedih kan?

It has been so long since I updated this old blog of mine. There have been so many things happening all at the same time that almost made me feel like giving up. Like I don't know if I can endure this any longer.

My first test started as soon as I received my IB result. Getting 35 points, I can't really feel happy eventhough for others it would mean that the points would have definitely passed to fly overseas. Because my story is way different than others. But still, I tried going to MARA office, Peneraju office to appeal but somehow I found a dead end. So I thought well that's it. I'm just gonna continue local then.

But then, I got an email from UCAS stating that there has been a change in my uni application and as I checked, I found out that I got an unconditional offer from my dream university, University College London. I would have jumped except for the fact that I knew my sponsor would not send me there because I didn't get 36 points.

A friend of mine motivated me to remark  my paper because I'm only one point away from getting 36. So I did. And hope starting to blossom again. While waiting for the remark, I did try contacting other scholarship but the answers all the same. It's whether the date has been closed or they didn't sponsor medical students anymore.

While waiting for the result, I was tested again as I heard the news of my big brother that suffered second degree burn when his house was burnt down due to short circuit. Watching your own brother clenching his teeth to endure the pain, I felt numb. It was really hard seeing the person you care about suffering so much and there's so little that you can do.

And the remark result came out. My result did not change and there goes my last hope to study in ucl.
Hope after hopes crushed, I started to feel hopeless. I thought maybe I'm supposed to give up then.

But wallahi, every single time that thought crossed my mind, Allah showed me how others are tested way harder than I am right now. Going to the hospital back and forth every day to take care of my brother, I saw others that are in so much more pain than what I'm going through. There are others that have to sacrifice so much more for their loved ones.

And so I realise that He's trying to teach me something through this. He's trying to show me that there are better things waiting for me. And as long as I remember that He never leave my side, I'm going to be just fine.